Mmouse Enterprises Headquarters
Memphis, TN
May 29, 2019
[Lawrence Mason enters the room and heads for the podium]
LM: Good afternoon everyone, it appears that we have much to discuss as the past month in professional wrestling has been quite exciting to witness; especially from a position such as mine. The Vice Chair herself will be here shortly to address these matters at length as well as to answer whatever questions you may have for her. Before we get to that, I would like to take a chance to reminisce on everything that we have seen and learned in the past month and a half.
First and foremost, we know now that the third and final installment of “From Dusk Til Dawn” will take place on June 14th and will feature ten major matches. We know now that the PWI will re-launch for its third season in January of 2020. Now, I introduce you to the Vice Chairwoman and Chief Operating Officer of Mmouse Enterprises: Catherine Louise Mouse.
[Catherine enters the room and takes the podium]
CM: Hello, it has been a great month in professional wrestling and I am excited to say that the next six months will be no different as we prepare to see the last “From Dusk Til Dawn” on the 14th and the premiere of PWI’s third season in January. In the meantime, let me get right to business. I had initially called for this press conference to take place this past Friday, but we wound up having to delay it twice since because some very important negotiations were taking place over the Memorial Day weekend. While all of you were enjoying your hotdogs and burgers, my father and I were working tirelessly to secure the temporary lucrative contracts for the superstars we will be hosting next month.
Now, while my uncle may seem to have a troubled relationship with the truth, he was right about at least two things in his recent comments: Mmouse Enterprises will be in charge of deciding the venue for this spectacle and there will be 10 amazing matches. With respect to the venue, I felt that it was appropriate to wrap up this particular series where it began: at Buckeye Stadium in Columbus, Ohio! Regarding the 10 matches, I will happily run down the list of the tentative – though mostly secured – card:
First, we will see a 20-man “Beginner’s Ball” featuring 20 superstars whose mainstream careers started in or after 2008. The specific stipulations for this match have yet to be agreed upon, but I can tell you the names of the 10 athletes we’ve contracted for this bout. Now, keep in mind that EVERY superstar involved in this event is a free agent. No one except members of each respective corporate board is exclusively contracted to any company. The names of the 10 men we’ve contracted are: HCW’s Tiny, Petey Williams, John Morrison, Robby Storm, Elijah Burke, and newcomers Cesaro, Aiden English, Braun Strowman, Sheamus, and Kofi Kingston. The other ten stars – and half of most other matches – will be the responsibility of my uncle to contract.
Secondly, we are slated to see the final, long-anticipated grudge match between Teo and Attitude. I can say with certainty that Teo will be there, and I am confident that Attitude will be as well, courtesy of Benny.
Thirdly, we will see another final battle amongst brothers in what we are dubbing the “Callaway Bowl”. It was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but Mmouse Enterprises managed to get all four brother – Undertaker, Kane, Soultaker, and Agramon – contracted four what will be a 30-minute Total Anarchy Match!
Fourth, we will feature a match between two of the most decorated and celebrated women to ever enter the ring. In fact, it is a match between the ONLY TWO women to ever be a world heavyweight champion as Amazon – the first ever woman to be world champion, who I personally reached out to and secured for this event – takes on Athena Starr; the first ever woman to be Undisputed Champion of the World!
Fifth, we will crown the Greatest Tag Team of all-time when the legendary duo of Sean Olson and Brandon Lee takes on whoever Benny manages to get. Just a note, since my father and I agreed that this match must happen – especially since it is the ONLY tag bout of the night -, we reached out and secured the contracts for RVD and the Rock to possibly represent BWM Inc. just in case he couldn’t find anyone else suitable.
Sixth, there will be a 20-man Legends Battle Royal. Like with the “Beginner’s Ball”, Mmouse Enterprises was responsible for securing half the contracts here, and the 10 we nabbed for the match are as follows: Sabu, the Heartbreaker, Stan Hart, Rhyno, the Ladies Man, Rocky Johnson Junior, Iron Claw, El Giante, Che, and Scott Nash. If, for whatever reason, Benny fails to get 10 other guys, we will just host however many do show up. This is all for the entertainment of the crowd, after all.
Seventh, there will be a match that was the brainchild in multiple ways of my uncle Benny. He may be a liar and may not have all his tools in the toolbox, but his sadistic side gave birth to the Massacre Six match, and this year he pitched what will be the FIRST EVER Women’s Massacre Six match! Now, this is one rare area where I not only agree with my uncle, but enthusiastically so! That is why I took the liberty of contracting six talented women just to guarantee it takes place! The women who I contracted and who will be guaranteed to be in this match are: Living Dead Girl, Victoria, and Angelina Love! Now, Benny is technically responsible for rounding up three of the six women to partake in this brawl, but in case he comes up short in doing so, the other three women I contracted are: Ivory, Ariel, and Sunny! May the best woman win!
In the eighth match, we have an emotionally charged bout that has been 18 years in the making, if not at least 24. Slammu, an icon in this business who’s won more championships than any other superstar in history first met Splinter in 1995 shortly after Slammu made the leap from professional boxing to wrestling. Splinter trained Slammu in those early days and that was a direct request from Slammu to my father. Slammu had said he wanted to learn from the very best in the business and Splinter undeniably fit that description. Although Splinter worked for Jeff Murrey at the time, my father wanted Slammu to join what was then called the WPW so badly that he reached out directly to Murrey to make it happen. It was over the course of that training that the two of them formed a deep bond and friendship.
However, that friendship met its challenges and the most significant challenge it faced at first was when Slammu turned on Splinter at the 2001 USWA King of the Ring in the main event. Slammu defeated Splinter in their first ever encounter only after there was significant interference from members of Mickey’s Apocalyptic Corporation super-stable. Slammu’s moniker of “Almighty King” was born that night on the back of his mentor as Slammu gained the crown, took his championship, joined my father’s stable, and watched on while his broken best friend was publicly fired just one day before his contract was set to expire anyway.
Over the years, Splinter had come to claim that he had forgiven Slammu for that moment in wrestling history, but then the two of them battled it out in the Legends Bracket’s Final Match in the inaugural “From Dusk Til Dawn” tournament for the Undisputed Championship. Splinter beat Slammu that night in what was arguably one of the greatest matches of all time and it all seemed well and good between them until later on that year in 2008 when the two of them were featured in the WOW Award Show at “Diplomatic Deficiency” when Splinter – who was the Undisputed Champion and a heel at the time – practically spit in Slammu’s face.
Their third encounter at the 2009 edition of “From Dusk Til Dawn” was the main event of the evening and was billed as the effective “tie-breaker”. Much to the surprise of everyone in the arena, the egomaniacal Spinter – who was still a bitter heel at the time – fairly defeated Slammu, but then rubbed said victory in his face. The unceremonious and unsportsman-like conclusion of the night left a sour taste in Slammu’s mouth and he has not since forgotten it, and their friendship has remained in tatters.
That is why Slammu requested this match, what he feels should be his one last chance to prove to himself that he can defeat Splinter, fairly. So, it has been agreed that there must be a winner, it must be by pinfall or submission, and that no one is permitted to interfere with the threat of debt-incurring penalties hanging overhead. A match taking place 18 years after Slammu betrayed his mentor to become “Almighty” and 10 years after their last encounter. Only the best will win!
In the second to last bout, we will see a bout between two of the greatest world champions of all time. It would have ideally been a match between Terry Austin and whoever served as the only N.E.W. champion, but we all know why that can’t happen. On the Mmouse Enterprises side, it should come as no surprise that Mickey chose Dragonfly, who he considers to be the greatest world champion in wrestling history. It is anybody’s guess who my uncle chooses.
Finally, we have the main event. Since 2003, the wrestling world has yearned for and even anticipated a bout between the two biggest, most feared, and most effective monsters in the history of the industry: FRED and Armageddon. While Armageddon had been in the business for a few years prior to their first ever face-to-face meeting, FRED stormed into the scene in the summer of 2003 when it was revealed that Maniac truly had someone named “Fred” in his life. When Mickey got a hold of and briefly controlled FRED in the months which followed, he made this monster his chief threat to all who stood in his way. Then, at Motivation Two in 2003 at the first ever Total Anarchy Match, we saw Mickey’s favorite beast confronted by Benny’s.
This encounter encapsulated the mounting tension between the UWA and the UWF as both beasts were direct representatives of their Mouse bosses. This tension helped give birth to the joint events which later birthed the WOW and even “From Dusk Til Dawn” itself, and now we come full circle. There is no doubt in my mind that these two would have battled at either the 2008 or 2009 editions of “From Dusk Til Dawn” were it not for Armageddon being sidelined by what many thought was a career-ending head injury. So, as Armageddon enters the ring for the first time since 2005 and these two come face to face for the first time in at least 15 years, we will finish the final “From Dusk Til Dawn” with a battle of wrestling’s greatest monsters to deliver to the fans the dream match in hell which brought us together in the first place!
With that, I am ready for your questions.
NBC: Your uncle disputed your claims about his financial situation and asserted that you were slandering his good name with lies, and he also said that no one in your family beside him reached out to Terry Austin’s family after the last PWI Champion passed away, care to comment?
CM: My uncle’s loose affiliation with reality is well documented. He knows the truth and he knows that I know it as well. I have the documents to back up what I said when I was last at this podium, but we will go ahead and let Benjamin pretend that all is well in his fiscal house. Let’s move on to the next question.
NBC: …and what about his claims regarding Mr. Austin’s death?
CM: I’m sorry, I don’t recall saying that follow-ups were permitted this afternoon. Next question.
NBC: …but you never answered that part of the ques…
CM: ONE MORE OUTBURST LIKE THAT AND I WILL HAVE YOU ESCORTED BY SECURITY AND YOUR PRESS PASS REVOKED! NEXT QUESTION, PLEASE!
ESPN: Yes, ma’am, I would like to know the answer to the question you didn’t address?
CM: What the hell is it with you people?! Mr. Austin’s death was unfortunate. His family deserves to grieve in peace without the lot of you stirring the pot with his carcass. Let him rest in peace. Next question.
ESPN: …so, no answer to…
CM: SECURITY! Escort these lovely people representing NBC and ESPN from the premises and make sure that they cede their passes!
Sports Illustrated: You briefly mentioned the PWI’s return. Rumors swirling around on the internet have claimed that the schedule will be different than the last go around. What can PWI’s fans expect starting in January?
CM: Great question. As with the previous PWI era, we will be having seasons which stretch from the beginning of Autumn until the beginning of Summer. There are a few differences this time around: number one, we will have three annual pay per view events. One will kick off the season, taking place on the Autumn equinox, the next will mark the mid-season finale on the Spring equinox, and then we will have one marking the season finale on the Summer solstice. The mid-season finale will be followed by a one month break and the summer break obviously extends for the entirety of that season. Additionally, our shows will be bi-weekly starting with our kickoff show in January.
HBO Sports: What are the names of the Pay Per Views? Can we assume that two of them will be Motivation and Oblivion?
CM: Well, we retired “Oblivion” in April of 2010 with the “Final Oblivion”, but “Motivation” will be returning as our season finale event, starting with its seventh installment next June. As for the names of the other two Pay Per View events, those will be “Legends Rising” in the opener and “Fate’s Resurrection” as the Mid-season finale.
HBO Sports: So, that means the first event in January will be “Legends Rising”?
CM: No, actually, that one will be entitled “Greatness Reborn”. Next?
ABC: With all due respect, you just answered three questions for HBO Sports, with one of them being a follow-up. Yet, you had two of our colleagues escorted earlier for asking that you simply answer one secondary question which was apparently too touchy a subject for you to dignify with a response. Can you admit that this whole process is riddled with double standards and that you are only willing to answer softball questions?
[Catherine stares at the reporter, rolls her eyes, and walks away from the podium, replaced by a visibly bewildered Lawrence Mason]
LM: It appears that the Vice Chair has been met with a sudden emergency which commands her immediate attention. That will be enough questions for today, thank you!
[Loud shouting from the press as Lawrence exits the room]