Mmouse Enterprises HQ2
Nashville, Tennessee
November 16, 2019
9:25pm
(LM = Lawrence Mason, PK = Board President Knuckles)
*Lawrence Mason approaches the podium*
LM: Thank you, members of the press, for coming here this evening. The buzz in the wrestling world has started to reach a fever pitch. Within the past few days we’ve seen the goalpost shift from the end of this year to the end of this month for the kickoff of this brand new era. The Chairman of BWM Inc., Benny Mouse, announced that he would launch his product a whole month earlier than originally scheduled. It is the belief of the Board of Mmouse Enterprises that this was a direct response to Mickey’s successful proposal to move our own premiere up a month earlier. Seeing this move by our competition inspired the Board to follow through with their plans to elect our new Chairman. Without any further delay, here is the President of the Board, Mr. Howard Knuckles.
*Knuckles replaces Mason, shaking his hand and patting him on the back as he takes control of the microphone*
PK: I appreciate the professional introduction, Lawrence. I have to say that out of all the employees of this company – past and present -, none has been consistently professional and effective at their job quite like the iconic Lawrence C. Mason.
*Applause*
Now, let me move on to the reason we are all here. The Board of Directors has been hard at work since Mickey’s compromise left us with a vacant chair position. We’ve had to collectively assume the responsibilities of the Chair while also attempting to balance that essential position with our own roles in the Board. Not since Mickey asked me to replace President Slammu in the wake of PWI’s original sunset have I been more excited in this position.
As we interviewed a series of candidates for the position – which, I should remind you, is a position with the executive powers Mickey and Catherine in the interim had possessed, but limited by the fact that the new Chair will own 0% shares in this company – we also had to balance that painstaking process with the earth-shaking proposals Mickey had offered in his effort to undercut the competition. To put it one way, it was not easy to do so many things of such high importance at once.
However, when Benny made his truly “earth-shattering” announcement about premiering both the opening of EWA and its Monday shows a month earlier than originally scheduled it reminded us that we needed to settle on the best possible candidate out of the dozen or so we interviewed and vetted. In the midst of a war, leadership – clear leadership – is vital to success. So, we had to ponder our options through one important filter: who among these candidates has the best chance at leading us to victory? Who among them has the necessary experience in business to make it known to the world that Mmouse Enterprises will not be ignored? Who knows this industry inside and out and is ready from the very start to lead us back to our unquestioned status at the top? Before I announce our pick, let me provide some context.
For many years the Board had religiously concluded that Mickey was the man, the only man for this job. After all, he took this company from the shell that it had been left by his father in the mid-1990s and turned it into the greatest entertainment powerhouse for 5 and a half years. Then, his leadership allowed this company to remain highly competitive for years to come. However, when he passed the reins of control over to his daughter in 2011, it was clear to many of us – and I begrudgingly say this as a lifelong friend of Mickey’s – that Mickey had lost his ability to think rationally in his obsession to defeat his youngest brother and the most formidable competitor he had ever faced: Benny. Mickey’s signs of instability had begun to appear in 2004 when he resorted to blaming ratings losses on Benny supposedly bribing the deeply poor in third world countries from Ethiopia to even Jamaica.
Mickey had a hard time understanding how anyone other than he could dominate the wrestling world, which was something that Mickey did with pride for the legendary reign of USWA atop this industry. Truthfully, the UWA wasn’t exactly second-tier during the Third Era, but the fact that Mickey had to share the spotlight on an even footing with Benny drove him insane. Things only got worse when we launched the “Second Coming” in 2008 for our involvement in the so-called 2008-2010 “Fourth Era” of wrestling. We admittedly struggled quite a bit in the first six months of the UWA’s rebirth, and we were regularly subjected to vicious, obscenity-laced tirades in the Board Room by Mickey who was frustrated by our lengthy occupation at the bottom of the ratings pile; underneath not only Benny, but John Brown as well, who Mickey always regarded as nothing more than an escaped carnival creature.
We honestly had several secret meetings – and this was when I was in a supporting role in the Board, as a noted loyalist to Mickey – wherein we contemplated amongst ourselves how we should deal with our unhinged Chairman as we were forced into being a literal “third rate” wrestling company thanks to the surprising dominance of Brown’s HCW in the early going. When things picked up for us in the early months of 2009 and we became clearly competitive again Mickey was spared our planned intervention through to the end, and we he handed control over to Catherine, we all breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, we thought to ourselves, our nightmare was over!
Then, we had the lukewarm “Fifth Era”. Times were good with Catherine’s plans for reinvention as she launched the “PWI”. The only problem was that Benny was not as interested in the competition as he had been before, and we did not absorb any of the fans that Benny had regularly attracted. It was a monopoly by default, and when you couple that with a cascade of rookie leadership mistakes by Catherine, our numerous false starts, and the sloppy introduction of the concept of “seasons” with a beginning and ending in this industry, Catherine’s fledgling leadership chased away some major investors and we started to hear rumors that Mickey was not impressed, even if he publicly praised her.
Ultimately, Mickey’s doubts about his daughter’s leadership skills came to a head earlier this year over the drama we are now all too familiar with surrounding the negotiations and booking for the final installment of “From Dusk Til Dawn”. When that drama began we in the Board began to fear that Mickey was about to launch a hostile takeover of the company to wrench control back from his daughter, and he did just that by exploiting one of his infamous hidden contractual clauses set up to create a “back door” for him to slip back into the driver’s seat. We were powerless to stop a repeat of history – but with the potential for more disastrous results, given Mickey’s worsening obsession over being the conqueror of the wrestling world -, that is until Mickey made some critical errors which allowed for the twist of fate the world saw wherein his mind games with Catherine and the Board compelled us to almost unanimously conclude that something had to change.
Mickey very possibly would still be the Chairman today had he not let his obsession – with unchecked power – get the best of him. Ironically, though, he acted out of character in offering a compromise which assured his demotion. We in the Board believe that Mickey did this solely to get one more jab at Catherine as he saw his grip on the Board fading, but what it did was left us with an opportunity to start fresh. So, who in the world could we possibly envision as being the best-suited candidate to be tasked with the job of rebuilding the empire that Mickey once built and allowed to crumble with his power-driven madness? Who best knows the world of business and the business of the wrestling world to guide this company to a great new era? It was our conclusion, and the vote was ridiculously lopsided, that the ONLY option we could possibly choose was the man who made this industry a mainstream source of entertainment to beginwith…almost 30 years ago: Jeff Murrey!
*Applause and cheers as Murrey enters the room, waving his hand. He shakes the President’s hand as he takes the podium*
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
JM: Well, this is quite the change of pace, right?! *Cheers and Applause continue*
Ok, ok, settle down now. Look, I know that this is kind of a big deal. I mean, I’m a big deal. None of this would exist if it weren’t for my vision all those years ago to take what was once a semi-carnival act which occupied small territories throughout the world and bring it under one, major banner: the WWF. I couldn’t have done it without the greatest Icons in this industry: starting with Jake Roberts and Dibiase, then Krusader, Arn Anderson, Jesse Ventura, and the greatest of all-time…Splinter. *Louder applause*
Many of you are probably scratching your heads about the irony of this moment. How did I – the man who started it all, but whose empire fell victim to the rise of Mickey’s USWA – come to lead the company created by my own most formidable foe in this industry? We all know the history by now. 7 years after the WWF collapsed and following the many experiments I toyed with to try and compete with Mickey I came back to the forefront with the Last Wrestling Federation *”LWF” Chants erupt*
Yes, yes, the LWF was awesome. By the way, aren’t you all suppose to be impartial members of the press? *Laughs and cheers*
Anyways, the LWF upset the applecart and turned the – what do you people call it…”Third Era”? – we turned the Third Era on its head! Benny and Mickey didn’t see us coming, and for ten straight weeks neither Mouse brother could touch us! I’m proud of that time, and we ended it before it could become too big. We didn’t go out with a wimper. We just ended it, because we had made our point. Mickey and Benny had to be reminded who “Daddy” was, and I did so in a big way that got under their skin for years to come.
Yes, I wound up working for Mickey under the UWA banner for the rest of that era, and then I was the so-called “Promotional Administrator” of the Mickey version of the WWF from 2008 to 2010. But, none of that…NONE OF THAT erases what I did when Mickey and Benny were at the height of their competitive streak. Nobody knows this business like me, because I created this damn business! That’s why a number of the Board of Directors came to me and asked me to apply for the position. I never doubted for a second that I would get the position, because they know that when I am in the conversation…I become the center of it.
The best part of it all is that I don’t have to – nor do I want to – own a single dime in company shares. This is about restoring the greatness of this industry at a pivotal moment in its history. I’m ready to get work, and I will start tonight by making a few announcements, some decrees, if you will.
For starters, if Benny wants to try and draw a line in the sand we will meet him right in his face. That’s why I am announcing that “Greatness Reborn” will premiere head to head with “Hell Hath No Fury”! Never before in this industry have we seen a high stakes set of opening days compete like this – on Pay Per View – and we are ready to not only meet, but defeat the EWA in the process! Furthermore, the premieres of our Monday shows will compete directly with EWA’s! We will still move forward – as planned – with the “Ascendants” broadcasts, as well as the “Spotlight” Pay Per View.
On the night of our Opening Day, we will not award the winner of the “Extreme Battle Royal” with a mere status of immunity for a season. Rather, I will restore the original great concept behind the status of Immunity with an actual, defendable championship which will be awarded to the winner of that match. It made no sense to me that the championship had been discontinued as something that was defendable; one of those questionable decisions by my predecessors. Having said that, I will tweak the rules for the Immunity Championship. There will no longer be a 24/7 chaotic defense rule as we’ve seen in times past. What we will see is a set of requirements for the privilege to challenge for Immunity. To challenge for this belt you must either win an Extreme Battle Royal – an opportunity which will be made possible at least once a month – or the Immunity Champion must elect to defend it against you.
Finally, to right the wrong of that insane controversy from the past couple of months, I am formally announcing that there will be a Women’s Immunity Championship as well and that the match to crown that first champion will take place by the end of December! *Cheers and Applause*
I apologize for how long you all had to wait for this press conference, and I am sure you are full of questions, but we will have to suspend the question and answer portion of this press conference for this one time. I promise to let you have at me next time around, but the Board and I have a great deal of work to do! Thank you! *Leaves as the room applauds*