Mmouse Enterprises Chairman’s Centre
Knoxville, Tennesse
July 13, 2020
10:30pm
(JM = Jeff Murrey)
*Chairman Murrey approaches the podium*
JM: Welcome, members of the press, to our weekly press conferences. Before we get into your questions we do have a few announcements to make. For starters, it came to my attention this morning that Co-Vice Chairman Mickey Mouse has obtained the services of a mental health professional that will examine him and monitor him over the recommended period of time, as set by the Board’s recent action. I commend the Co-Vice Chair and Founder of this company for obeying the wishes of the Board for the greater good of this company, this industry, and his family. We wish him well as he gets the help he so desperately needs. In the meantime, Mickey’s proxy to serve in his stead until such time that he may be deemed healthy and competent to resume his authority will be named by the end of the month.
On to other business. We convened the Board this morning upon hearing the news about Mickey seeking help. In that meeting we discussed some modifications to be made to the Preseason of PWI, which starts on August 3rd. In that Preseason, while there will be no scheduled championship matches, there will be opportunities for championships during the Fourth Season; starting with the Clash of the Destined Pay Per View on September 20th. So as to ensure that the preseason remains unique from the regular season, the brand split will be lifted for the duration of the preseason, as will the distinction between the tiers. In essence, anyone and everyone gets a chance to shine during this time. Finally, we have corrected one final mistake we made in scheduling the preseason: the power rankings for the Fourth Season WILL be influenced by the activity during the Preseason. So, to all of you ranked superstars, I have to warn you about being too cocky, because there are some hungry unranked superstars just dying for the opportunity to exploit this chaotic period before order is restored.
These past couple of weeks in Mmouse Enterprises have been tumultuous. We are rapidly changing with the issues which emerge each day. Part of this rapid change was broadcast for all to see. Our critics have rightly tore us apart for these events, but I have to say that there was a bigger picture. When everyone was convinced that Mickey was playing us for fools, I can tell you that we were on to him and we never stopped working together to address this behind the scenes. To help explain this and to help take some questions is one of the three Co-Vice Chairs, and the Commissioner of Legends, Catherine Mouse.
*Catherine enters the room and take the podium*
(CM: Catherine Mouse)
CM: Members of the press, it has indeed been a long time. I need to begin by responding to what seemed like fair criticism from my Uncle Benny. He thought that I was easily giving in to my father despite is obvious mental issues. The truth is that I couldn’t let my father see that I knew what he was up to. We in the Board are aware of my father’s propensity for inserting crafty and dangerous provisions into his proposals, and this has been a favorite tactics of his for decades. We were prepared for that – and we are currently combing through the proposal to try and find out what he may have poisoned this proposal with -, but what the world and my father didn’t see was that we recognized my father’s work when the Executioner swiftly dropped off the proposal in the Board room before launching the now infamous press conference.
It was obvious that all of this was a set up for my father to make a “surprise” return to the Board Room. Noticing this right away, we executives quickly brainstormed a “backdoor” provision which would empower us to demand that my father seek help, but which would be worded in a way that it would apply fairly to all executives of the Board. My father almost never proofreads his drafts, so we took quick, emergency Board action to officially add the amendment that we crafted while we waited for my father’s arrival.
What we didn’t expect was my father’s decision to bring the press with him into the room. He is a very private man, and the thought of the press covering – in person, with cameras – a board meeting would have horrified my father in normal times. That was ultimately one of the effective arguing points the other executives and I were able to point to when making our case to the Board for action a few days ago.
Chairman Murrey, Proxy Co-Vice Chair Puddphucker, and I knew that we would have to take a lot of flack for acting in our roles so as to ride out my father’s public display of his obvious insanity. My Uncle was right, it was indeed tragic to watch this great man collapse into the abyss. Mickey Marcus Mouse Junior is largely responsible for this industry becoming a mainstream form of entertainment, and I hope that we can remember him for that for many years to come…not this shell that he has become of his former self. *Motions to Murrey*
JM: Ok, with that, we will take a few of your questions.
FOX Sports: How can you be confident that Mickey has found a trustworthy and licensed professional? Aren’t you worried about his tendency for trickery?
JM: We were prepared for that, which is why our mandate calls for the medical professional to submit their resume for our review. Part of how Mickey informed us of his obtaining these services involved the submission of the resume, as required. Once we have verified that this professional is legit, then we can check that box and let Mickey get to work on receiving care.
NBC Sports: Mmouse Enterprises lost a lot of value – approximately 20 dollars per share - in the stock market in the immediate aftermath of the aforementioned scandalous press conference, but it rebounded entirely and added some value with the news of his suspension. Do you feel confident that you can retain the confidence of your shareholders moving forward?
CM: Given my business background, one of the areas where my father allowed me to build my resume after I first came to Mmouse Enterprises at the age of 18 back in the early 2000s was in managing Mmouse Enterprises in the stock market. He wanted me to understand the way the market works so that I could effectively take the reins when my time came. From that experience – in a role I filled from 2004 to 2011 - and given recent events I can say with absolute certainty that we will establish the confidence we need for stability of our stock and for the longevity of our brand.
ESPN: The last time you addressed the press, Mr. Murrey, you noted that the Board was looking into the issue of what Alexa Bliss did with her temporary power as “Boss of the Day” on June 21st. Has anything more come from this investigation? What actions are being taken next by the Board?
JM: Miss Bliss did some damage, I’m not going to lie. However, the Board is not currently able to agree on what it means to “limit” the powers enjoyed by the Premier athlete choosing this power. Currently, a majority of the Board believes it would completely erode the prestige of this privilege if we go too far in limiting it significantly. They believe, as did Mickey when he proposed this tournament, that the Premier Athlete must be among the most prestigious labels in the industry. Reducing the “Boss of the Day” power to a token prize with only symbolic meaning would be – in their strong view – a tremendous waste, and it would effectively eliminate the prestige and risk of the privilege. To them, the “risk” is part of the excitement which drives the audience to care about the tournament. That’s the wall we are up against with this.
HBO Sports: So, that means there might be no action at all then?
JM: Correct, as far as things stand right now. As for the other question, we are still investigating to see what all was impacted by Alexa on the 21st.
*Security personnel arrives and whispers into their ears, Catherine immediately begins leaving with them*
JM: It appears that we have an emergency situation. Thank you everyone for coming. *Promptly leaves as security ushers the press out of the room*