Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
Memphis, Tennessee
November 11, 2019
2AM EST
(MM: Mickey Mouse)
*Mickey enters the room, with a big grin on his face*
MM: Welcome, everyone, it is such a pleasure to see all of your beautiful faces at this late…or early…hour. I realize that I have asked you all to be here three hours ago only to arrive now, but I had some last minute discussions that I had to make some things official. It is Veterans Day and we are now 20 days away from the rebirth of PWI. The world wants to know what will be happening next in the world of wrestling as we speed towards the sixth great era of this business and I have it on good authority that the Board of Directors will be electing our new Chairman/Chairwoman by the end of the week. In summary, there is A LOT happening right now in this industry!
In the days leading to ‘Greatness Reborn’, Lenny Mouse will be conducting a series of interviews with the ten double-main eventing PWI superstars: Teo, Attitude, Petey Williams, Drakus, Rhyno, Scott Nash, Amazon, Angelina Love, Victoria, and Living Dead Girl. Within hours, our website will be updated to show our updated PPV and TV posters as well as to present the first of the aforementioned interviews. Lenny will also present his analysis of the first Head-to-Head Monday Night War between EWA and the PWI as ‘Asylum’ takes on ‘Revolution’. A lot to look forward to this week!
It brings me a great deal of pleasure to report that one of the provisions of the deal the Board of Directors voted on last month was a an agreement that I will have complete control over what happens in ‘Asylum’ and the same will be the case for Catherine in her project on ‘Legends’. Neither of us will have the power to influence the other’s program, per this provision. ‘Ascendants’, our developmental program, will be managed by Commissioner Slammu; who will answer directly to the Chair. This is where it gets real interesting.
I’ve never liked the idea of our competition getting a free pass. In 2008, I kicked myself for months after letting the HCW and the EWA start a month before the UWA was reborn. Many of my closest advisers felt that it was a crucial mistake in allowing ‘the other guys’ to get a running head start before we debuted on Independence Day of that year. Furthermore, I announced ‘Saturday Sanitarium’ – our previous developmental program – to both permit our upcoming talent to have a spotlight and to inhibit the EWA from having free reign to do the same without competition. The end result of that decision was that the EWA cancelled their developmental show plans and we presented our own unchallenged for the duration of the Fourth Era.
After consulting the Board and earning their unanimous support for an idea I had, I am proud to break some news for you. When we revealed to the world that the PWI would launch on December 1st we also noted how we would debut and singularly focus on ‘Ascendants’ every Saturday leading up to the premiere of ‘Asylum’ on January 13th; with the exception of December 28th and January 3rd. Well, I am happy to announce that the up and coming talent featured first on ‘Ascendants’ under the supervision of Commissioner Slammu will get their own quarterly Pay Per View which will be held the Saturday immediately following every Major PPV starting in March. These Pay Per Views will be called ‘The Spotlight’, will consist of 8 matches booked by Commissioner Slammu and a team of his choosing, and the first edition will be held on Saturday, December 28th!!
Now, for some questions!
NBC Sports: I don’t know where to start, I suppose the first question to come to mind is whether you are hoping to hinder any steam Benny and the EWA may build with their opening PPV?
MM: Hey, I have NO – I repeat, NO – control over ‘Ascendants’ whatsoever. The PPV will take place 27 days after ‘Greatness Reborn’ and after only three editions of ‘Ascendants’; each of which will only feature two matches and a spotlight interview. ‘The Spotlight’ will not be a traditional PPV, but a special chance for our bright new talent to show the world what they’ve got. It will effectively be a “super show” for ‘Ascendants’ will little – if any – build for the matches to be featured. In essence, it will be a PPV purely for fun.
CBS Sports: So, are you saying that you don’t expect ‘The Spotlight’ to beat ‘Hell Hath No Fury’?
MM: I’m not making any predictions, honestly. If EWA struggles to defeat PWI’s developmental talent in the ratings then that is a Benny problem, not a Mmouse Enterprises problem.
ESPN: Some might be forgiven to speculate that this announcement is sort of a response to Benny saying at his latest press conference that he had no reaction to the early launch date of PWI. Any truth to that sentiment?
MM: It should certainly leave him with the impression that there is literally no chance that I will let him have a moment to breathe easy. It may be 102nd anniversary of the end of the First World War today, a day which we called “Armistice Day” to signify a call for an end to war, but that is not the spirit with which I approach this industry. We are in a war, my friends, and I intend to win that damn war…even if I had to give up my coveted leadership position in order to ensure as much!
Sports Illustrated: What about the spotlight you will be taking away from the historical night for women on that night?
MM: Oh please, get this guy a safe space to hide in! Competition is the nature of this industry…and of every industry. We are here to entertain the audience with the best possible product; not to hold the hands of our competition as they hand out “history” like cheap candy. Additionally, I suspect that the women of PWI will be greatly featured on that night as well. Have you seen our incredible pool of talent? There’s no chance in hell that we won’t give them the spotlight…if you will excuse the pun.
HBO Sports: What is your reaction to the EWA announcement that every tenth episode of ‘Revolution’ will consist entirely of women?
MM: What’s funny is that I have long suspected that there is a BWM Inc. mole in the Mmouse Enterprises Board Room, and this only adds to that suspicion. We actually had quite a few debates – prior to the coup led by my daughter – about spearheading a similar presentation for the occasional episode of our Monday broadcasts. There were a few problems that we saw with this proposal: 1) Benny was already hosting an all-women’s PPV, and I would be damned if I intentionally appeared to be following his lead, and 2) featuring only a single sex in a wrestling show is inherently sexist, even if the intentions appear to be commendable. We ultimately ruled out doing what Benny will be doing based on those two points. Benny Mouse may be supportive of appeasing a small segment of our industry’s viewers for the sake of claiming “history”, but we in the PWI are quite comfortable giving all of our talent an equal shot at fame irrespective of their private parts. That is all the time I have for today, folks, have a great night!!
*Mickey then leaves as the press attempts to get more questions answered*