Mmouse Enterprises HQ1
Memphis, Tenn
October 5, 2019
(MM: Mickey Mouse)
*Mickey approaches the podium*
MM: I asked you all to come here today, not to boast about some new acquisition or to respond to my brother or even my daughter, but rather to celebrate. You see, today marks the 24th Anniversary of the debut of WPW, or “World Pro Wrestling” in the fall of 1995. For those of you who may have forgotten, World Pro Wrestling was my first wrestling company. I had attended a series of WWF events – Jeff Murrey’s inaugural promotion, that is, the company which started it all - over the month prior to this occasion and I had determined that I wanted to get a slice of this excitement. So I did.
With an initial roster which included just around two dozen – if even that – misfits of the industry, I dipped my toes in the proverbial pool. At first, things were slow for us. We had a small, but loyal following, and our standard bearer champion – as we only had one championship at the time – was Garz Gargoyale; who simply likes to go by “Garz”.
Everything changed, though, when I met Slammu. I knew Slammu was something special and I was elated that Splinter – the greatest wrestler of all time - agreed to train him. When Slammu came back, he was ready to take the wrestling world by storm. With that cult following building up throughout 1996 as the legendary feud between Garz and Slammu transpired we finally handed the torch over once and for all for Slammu to take. This transitional period into the mainstream culminating after our brief “NWO Country” phase, wherein the WPW was transformed in late-1996 after a “hostile takeover” by our then-biggest stars such as Slammu, HBP, Scott Nash, and Kevin Hall.
This transitional period also saw the introduction of such talents as Soultaker, Metalhead, Blaster, and the Quests; all of whom – alongside numerous others - would not only catapult this company to the top in the following year, but most of who remain among the biggest names in the industry today. Then, as 1997 began, WPW – which was still the official name of our company – invaded Murrey’s World Wrestling Federation in a series of their live shows. Murrey didn’t quite know how to respond and the fresh, revolutionary talent of World Pro Wrestling became the talk of the industry.
Having invaded the then-dominant and first major wrestling promotion when they were at their best, I seized the moment. I gathered my talent and revealed to them that we were re-launching our promotion under a new banner: the USWA, to which we would assigned a nickname, as we called it the “World Whacky Wrestling Federation” so as to mock Murrey’s company. Additionally, I noticed that Murrey had never trademarked a number of his Pay Per Views, so I decided to debut the new USWA with a “borrowed” Pay Per View name from the company we invaded and intended to overrun, and that is when we hosted our first “USWA/WWWF Royal Rumble” in March of 1997. A month later, we aired our first of six “Wrestlemanias”, followed by our own “King of the Ring”, “Summerslam”, and “Survivor Series”. Our flagship program became “Monday Night Raw”, and by the end of the year the World Wrestling Federation had not only given up trying to wrestle these names from us, but they had closed shop altogether. The dominance of the original WWF – the promotion which birthed this industry into the mainstream - was over, and the USWA had swiftly taken the throne.
By the summer of 1998, we were universally recognized as the leading force in this business and I had decided to drop the additional names altogether. Our destruction of the WWF was over, so referencing our “nickname” of WWWF was no longer necessary. From that point until September 2002, the USWA remained the number one promotion in professional wrestling until it was decided that we needed to close shop. It was not like the WWF, because we ended our run on top, whereas we had toppled the WWF to get there.
Now, I know – to borrow a phrase from the Iconic “Sunfire” - what all of you are thinking: that was the USWA and that was in the late-1990s and early-2000s. The story of the UWA – which rose from the ashes of the USWA – was not as dominant, and the same could be said of the original PWI to some extent. All of this is true, but I wanted to recognize this moment and the importance of this date in wrestling history, and specifically in the history of this company. I have not forgotten what made my company number one. I remember where we came from and while I was humbled by the fierce competition in the third and fourth eras, I am prepared to end the experimentation which failed our fans in the past and expand upon what made Mmouse Enterprises the most dominant force the industry has ever seen.
So, my message to Catherine and to Benny – as well as to all the fans of wrestling – is simply this: get ready, because January will witness a true rebirth of the best form of entertainment the world has ever known.
Now, for a handful of your questions.
Pro Wrestling Illustrated: As a magazine which covered the rise of WPW and the USWA, we were on the frontlines of that industry takeover back then. Do you have any regrets about the business decisions you made in the construction of that once-great empire?
MM: I see what you did there, and I will not cede the assertion that we are no longer great. Regardless, I will respond to the part of your question regarding business regrets. I have none, except that I wish we had started building our empire sooner. Murrey’s WWF was antiquated and dominated primarily because no independent promoter ever had the balls to challenge him. The moment I challenged Murrey he and his whole façade crumbled.
ESPN: You do know that Benny and your daughter are likely going to mock your nostalgia, so why do you keep referencing the past?
MM: That sounds like a question directly stuffed up your ass by BWM Inc. Is there a fax machine in your rectum feeding you these talking points? Jesus. I talk about the USWA’s past because it was the last time that the fans saw professional wrestling in its greatest condition. Sure, people have enjoyed much of the content, and the ratings for professional wrestling rose to astronomical heights from 2002 to 2005 and then even further from 2008 to 2010, but the people were neglected because we all forgot the basics of this industry, which rests in the damn ring. The USWA was the last great wrestling promotion which didn’t focus half of its energy on the backstage, but rather its emphasis was over 90% focused on the in-ring action. THAT, my ass-fax-having-friend is why I reminisce about those days so much. It is also the focus I fully intend to restore to the best of my ability starting in January.
HBO Sports: In part one of his recently-posted interview, Benny slammed your latest innovative tournament announcement as some kind of “desperate” ploy to steal some of his ideas while also rehashing your oldest. In other words, he said it was nothing special and even specifically laughed off the “Boss for a Day” privilege. What do you say to those criticisms?
MM: I say that Benny is just sore in the ass that I thought of it first. He and the rest of the world will see just unprecedented this new tournament really is. As for the privilege he mocked, it will be more meaningful a privilege once the world sees how difficult it will be to overturn the decisions of the Premier Athlete if they so choose to utilize this authority.
CBS Sports: Has anyone ever gotten to the bottom of the origins of those leaks about an early start?
MM: I am not going to entertain these silly rumors or these ridiculous questions any longer. Goodbye everyone! *Leaves*