Mmouse Enterprises Press Conference

July 16, 2019

Memphis, Tennessee

MMouse Enterprises Headquarters

*Catherine Mouse enters the room without an introduction from Lawrence Mason*

Catherine Mouse (CM): Hold on, hold on (she says, trying to calm down a raucous press room), I’m sure you all have important questions and I promise that we will answer them as soon as possible. As you all certainly know, in the early hours of yesterday morning it was announced that my father has completely withdrawn his name from consideration for president in the 2020 campaign. Prior to this decision, he had temporarily suspended the campaign a few months ago to help plan for the last From Dusk Til Dawn. Believe me, this breaking news was a shock to all of us here at Mmouse Enterprises just as it was for you.

Aside of the drama surrounding my father’s political ambitions we made some investments over the past 24 hours and are preparing to possibly make some more in the coming days if the Board can agree on the timing of these expenditures. For now, we have successfully invested in some new vital equipment, designing our new championship belts, and will be commissioning new referees for PWI to be led by the new Senior Official, Earl Hebner. With respect to superstars, we have officially signed three of our shadow draft picks: Brock Lesnar – who has been involved in and dominating Mixed Martial Arts around the globe since the PWI closed shop almost five years ago -, Jon Moxley, and Gail Kim.

Additionally, we are also pondering adding some additional championships to the roster, but have not made a final decision just yet. Part of what we want to avoid in PWI is over-saturating the audience and talent with meaningless prizes just because we can. While the USWA era is remembered fondly as the golden age of this industry, the one thing which many critics lashed out at the USWA for was the insane amount of championships which had existed at the time. There were literally around a dozen separate championships at one time including three separate tag team championships and a plethora of mid-card championships. At the most, we are pondering adding one mid-card championship for the women’s and men’s divisions, respectfully. If we decide to do so, that will result in 6 separate championships: a world title, a women’s title, a mid-card title for both divisions, and tag team titles for both divisions. Remember that the Immunity Championship has been discontinued as a championship which can be defended continuously. Rather, “Immunity” will be a privilege bestowed upon the winner of our annual “Immunity” Extreme Battle Royal match and which will be held for the duration of a single season.

On another note, after extensive discussions on the subject, the Board decided that not everything about the USWA was so bad. In fact, it dominated the ratings for a number of reasons. While some of the concepts of that era are certainly out of date now we can adopt a number of standards for the current era. In one example of us adopting – or at least modifying – a USWA standard is that the re-launched PWI will suspend count-outs in matches unless a match is sanctioned under “traditional rules”. This is not the same as the Classic USWA’s constant “No Disqualification” rule. We need some law and order in the PWI and we intend to hold our athletes to account. To make things simpler, all regular matches will have to end in the ring.

Now, on to your questions.

*Hollering resumes* ABC: Madame Vice Chair, is your father’s decision to end his presidential aspirations related in any way to Benny’s assertion that he has driven Mmouse Enterprises into bankruptcy?

CM: Well (laughs), that is just absurd. I invite any of you to look at the financial records of this company. I assure you that we are far from bankrupt. My father’s decision about politics kept the rest of us in the dark. I am not privy to whatever it was which drove him to pull out of the race.

ABC: Is your father personally bankrupt due to his campaign?

CM: You will have to ask him that, because he speaks with no one beyond his lawyers about his private financial records. Next question please.

ESPN: Do you have a reaction to the flurry of news from BWM Inc. about their latest acquisitions and Benny’s rebuttal about you asserting that he is wasting money? Specifically, he made the bankruptcy claim to explain why the PWI is seemingly lagging behind the EWA in reaching out to new talent.

CM: My response is not going to change much from the last time I addressed my Uncle’s lavish spending versus our own cautious and paced approach and it is that we are being fiscally responsible. Yes, the EWA is securing new talent beyond the scope of the shadow draft, and many of the stars they’ve secured were in the radar of PWI’s interests. The EWA simply made an offer before we could. We are not going to spend outside of our means just to play this game of chess which is likely to blow up in Benny’s face as well as the faces of the talents to whom he is promising the world while having a track record of delivering nothing but broken dreams and shuttered gates.

ESPN: Are you doubting that Benny can deliver on the promises he is making to the new talent?

CM: I am saying that history has not been kind to the hopes of upcoming talent who find their way into my Uncle’s grip. One thing that Mmouse Enterprises has always prided itself on is that we go out of our way to ensure that every superstar under contract with us has an equal shot at breaking out for the world to see. This is how we’ve managed a pristine record of producing new superstars with athletes formerly unknown in a cut-throat industry.

Fox Sports: Why have only three of the shadow-drafted stars been signed? Aren’t there about two dozen stars that the PWI has to sign from that roster?

CM: Here’s the thing, signing superstars comes with negotiating contracts. Doing that is not cheap when you have everyone wanting to be a millionaire from the start. We are estimating that out of our total one hundred million dollar investment to kick off the new era about sixty million of that will be spent on the talent alone. Suffice it to say that we wanted to secure the most expensive contracts first.

NBC: When you say that you had to secure the most expensive contracts first, who out of the three demanded the most expensive contract? Why?

CM: That would be Gail Kim, and she was deserving of the dollar amount she requested. This is because she is an internationally-renowned sensation who revolutionized women’s sports around the world. Even my father wanted her back a decade ago, but she was not interested at the time.

NBC: How much are we talking about?

CM: Normally I don’t like to talk about these things, but it was an 8 million dollar per year contract. Worth every penny.

Sports Illustrated: Since we are on the subject, how much did Lesnar and Moxley demand?

CM: Lesnar negotiated the next highest contract at 4 million and Moxley asked for about a million and a half, which is pretty standard for most popular indy sensations anyway.

HBO Sports: When Lesnar worked for this company before, how much did he make?

CM: About the same as Moxley will be. He was an immense talent back then, but a lot has changed since those early days. Lesnar is no ordinary talent this go around and I suspect the world will know that soon enough. Well, everyone, that is enough for now. Until next time. *She then promptly leaves*