**Editor's note: Do to the length of Greatness Reborn, this Mop Up has been split into two different parts, with Part 2 to be posted tomorrow afternoon.
Perhaps the most anticipated return of the Fifth Era is finally here – that’s right folks, Chris Hyatte here with the official Mop Up for PWI’s Greatness Reborn!
SEGMENT ONE
We kick things off with Mickey’s first professional single since his 90s mix of “No Chance.” After Mickey’s take on Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes, we’re treated to the original and I’m thinking, “Don’t quit your day job, Mr. Mouse.” All kidding aside, the opening promo got me pretty pumped for the PPV, and isn’t that the real purpose?
Following the promo, we get a nice glimpse at the set, which would be pretty nifty were it not obstructed by a giant post. The announcers welcome us to the show and before we know it, we’re an hour deep into the Immunity Championship battle royal. Word to the bookers: That’s too long, bro.
Cesaro, Moxley, and Kevin Owens had an impressive showing, but it was Brock Lesnar who stood tall at the conclusion of the match.
SEGMENT TWO
We’re in the back with Lawrence Mason and Catherine Mouse. Catherine says Teo’s running out of time for apologizing to Terry Austin and his family, and I’m like, what, is he going to come back to life or something? Teo’s got all the time in the world for all that, when ya think about it. Terry is in no hurry for an apology, he’s too busy having his face eaten by worms… whoops, better hope I don’t get sued for that one! #TeoDIdNothingWrong #JusticeForTeo
At ringside, we’re treated to the highly anticipated “Battle of the Bald Guys (w/ Similar Names)” as Kurt Angle and The Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels square off for the first time ever. Although I think the wrong man went over here, I gotta say I was impressed with both Angle and Daniels’ showing.
SEGMENT THREE
We’re in the back with Mason and Teo, and Teo’s echoing my earlier sentiments that his conduct doesn’t require an apology. I mean, com’n, this PC shit is getting out of control! Teo has been unfairly discriminated against for over a month now, all because he dared to express his first amendment right. Terry was a failure, everyone knows it, and #TeoDidNothingWrong!
Up next is the women’s gauntlet to determine the number one contender, and the announcers, like the rest of the world, totally forgot that it was on the card. That’s OK, though, because every few minutes we get to check out a new piece of tail. Oh wait, there I go, being politically incorrect again! In what came as somewhat of a surprise, Stephanie McMahon probably had one of the best outings of her career, dominating for most of the match. Aerial took over where Stephanie left off, going on to win the match.
SEGMENT FOUR
We get a quick video tease for Ascendants before returning to ringside.
Another singles match, this time we have RVD and Brandon Lee. Two guys with similar styles. I don’t have a whole lot to say about this match, it didn’t disappoint me but it also didn’t blow me… away, that is. Olsen and Lee were split up in the draft, probably for the best too, since their career paths have a way of intersecting. Lee picks up the victory and follows through with a post-match beat down, verbally and physically.
SEGMENT FIVE
We get a quick teaser video for PWI’s return to Monday nights, and out next is the Mickey Mouse. Mouse sent his personal “businessman” Harry Pudfucker (I giggle every time they say his name, though I’m not quite sure what a “pud” is. We get a twenty-minute promo that goes in circles, before Harry reveals that the anonymous investor was Blaster and Catherine’s aborted daughter. I had predicted it would be Blaster, and I guess I was part right? Either way, Blaster stuns Mickey and Catherine and we move on with our lives, uncertain on where this goes next. Though the segment did run long, I thought it had some pretty funny moments that saved it for me.
Murrey’s in the back, and he’s still bitching about Teo. In fact, he’s gone so far to remove Teo from the six-pack challenge (coughMassacre6hack). Robbie Storm and Jeff Hardy will determine the sixth and final entrant into the six-pack challenge, as Robbie looks to become the Terry Austin of the modern era. Can I just express that this is complete and utter bullshit? Seriously, let us punish the HEEL because he didn’t apologize to the dead man. BOO!
Jeff Hardy and Robbie Storm put on a better than expected contest, and as a result of Murrey’s announcement and Teo’s refusal to apologize, Hardy secures himself a spot in the six-pack challenge. When we return, we'll kick things off with the six-pack challenge.
Part Two:
SEGMENT SIX
We’re back with the six-pack challenge, as Jeff Hardy’s already in the ring. Attitude’s next out, followed by Drakus, Petey Williams (perhaps the new odds on favorite with Teo out of the picture), Scott Nash, and Rhyno, who the fans welcomed like it was 2003. I know I joked about the similarities here with a Massacre 6 match, but what differs here is that this is going to be one fall to the finish. The announcers repeat the lie that Teo’s removal of the match was his “own doing,” when truthfully, we all know that #TeoDidNothingWrong.
Petey Williams took some time to call out AJ Styles, even using the Styles Clash. Hardy, despite his tiredness, has a great outing. Teo runs in through the crowd, which resulted in him positioning a double cover. We get the pinfall and there’s confusion – such as, why wasn’t Teo in this match again?? Stamboli, Buffer, and Road Dog can’t agree on who the winner is, and after 35 minutes we get a no contest. The crowd chants “bullshit” and I couldn’t agree more. The only one who’s happy is Teo, who grabs the microphone. Teo said no one but him is leaving as champion, so if he can’t be champion no one can be. That seems pretty fair to me!
SEGMENT SEVEN
We get a preview for Legends before we get ready for our main event, the first-ever women’s Total Anarchy match.
The Hell in a Cell looks a lot more daunting than the one we saw this past summer at From Dusk Til Dawn, so the girls had that going for them. The cage was outfitted in enough barbed wire to cut a nipple off, so hopefully, that doesn’t happen.
We’re treated to one of the best theme songs in all of pro-wrestling as Victoria’s introduced, followed by Angelina Love, who also has some badass theme music IMO. Amazon is out next, and though I’d like to see her leave tonight with the title, I’ll be just as happy with any of the winners. LDG is out next.
In a brutal contest, LDG walks out victorious, and really, we shouldn’t be too surprised to see that wrestling’s female phenom victorious in one of wrestling’s most brutal matches. Murrey’s out to present the title, and we conclude the 4 and half hour show with PWI’s credit sequence, which I admit is a nice touch.
The opening day of the PWI is in the books… until next time!